who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
