i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize