Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
