I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
