I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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