Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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