I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
