I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
