the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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