she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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