I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
