Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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