Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
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