The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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