I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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