I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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