You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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