just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
