walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
