cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
