Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
