i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
