'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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