Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
