My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
