Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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