I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
