True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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