i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
