Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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