so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
