I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize