No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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