I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
tell me about the fingering
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
