maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
