My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so let's talk penis.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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