At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
