i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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