I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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