Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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