So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
