I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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