TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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