i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize