I'd wear matching sweaters with you
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
