I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
