I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
