Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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