Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i need some magic done to my vagina
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
