Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
