He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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