peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
