Banned from zoo.
Again?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
