you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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