Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
