Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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