one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize