what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize