I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You may now shotgun with the bride
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize