I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
