it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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