i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just puked most of my soul out..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
