Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
