Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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