The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
