If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
